"Courage"

Last Christmas, Siobe gave us stones as gifts. This is not just any stone, it has an engraved word in it, a mantra so to speak to help and guide us. She told us, that the word is her whispered wish for us: something she would want for us to have, something she deems we may need.

"Courage" was what she gave me. And I feel that "Courage" is what I am starting to have.

2012 has just began for me. I've taken the first leap, though I really don't know where the leap would take me. I'm scared, afraid, but excited for the possibilities. :)

Sometimes, you just got to take the leap. Forget the what ifs and just seize the moment. You'll usually find yourself exhilarated and most importantly free. :)

Thank you Siobe for that spark of Courage I've always needed. :D

Air Poppers for 2011

Attended a YoungPro chapter launching at my college bud's church. Really glad to have graced the event as it made me re-think my priorities in life, timely as the year is about to end and a new one about to start.

The program included a segment wherein some people had to use mini air poppers and share their praises and thanksgiving for 2011.

So for 2011, here are my TOP AIR POPPERS, praise the Lord. :)

1. Intact and happy family. What more can I ask for? The protection and security has been constant. The countless moments of laughter and yes, tears are truly incomparable. I am truly blessed to have Mama (ever loving), Achie (despite the miles apart) , Ditse (super duper understanding), Siobe (bittersweet) and Papa in heaven. :)

2. Stable job. Third school year already, how time flies. I love that my job involves kids. I love how me and my co-counselors jive in all things. I learned a lot the past year, some the hard way but all in all a fruitful 2011.

3. New and Old friends. Met and got close to a lot of new people this year. Sending out my heartfelt thanks for the endless bonding sessions. Napuno ang 2011 ko na Hahahaha. :D This has also been a year of one on one reunions. Friends that I haven't seen for a year tops suddenly set unexpected dates. There's nothing like rekindling the old fire of friendship. :)

4. Ashley. Mababaw, but finally got to make a semi big purchase with this Itouch. I seldom splurge on big purchases, that's why it's a big thing to have Ashley. A lot of memories stored in a such a little gadget. More this 2012? :)

5. Faith. I've had a lot of questions about my faith, there seems to be no end. But God has been patient with me, as always. He never failed to tap me on the shoulder and remind me of the way. Yes, I'm still confused most of the time but I'm assured that when I ask, God answers. :)

Black Hole

The mere 'you' pulls me in,

pulls me in,

pulls me in,

in,

in,

in...

this black hole.

with no means of escape,

in this black hole.

One Year.

Tomorrow is already my Dad's first year death anniversary.

Come to think of it, it's been a year already and yet the pain never seem to go away.

If moving on means being able to smile and laugh, being able to go through the daily grind, being able to face whatever challenges the day brings; then yes, I can say that I've moved on, we've moved on.

But just like in any relationship, there continues to be residues from the past. No matter the sweetness or the bitterness of it all, memories remain. I've got mixed emotions when the past flashes back. It's like you want to hold on to the memories despite the pain yet you know you have to slowly let go of the memories to let the pain be eased. I hope that in time, I can learn to hold on to memories of him without that much pain.

There are days when the reality of the situation fail to hit me. It's like he's just on a long vacation or a long business trip; I can't see him yet I know he's there.

I can't see him yet I know he's there.

Indeed he's on a long vacation, up there in paradise.

I don't want him to see us sad. I don't want to worry him any longer. I'll end this post with a :), hoping that this :) carries on to our hearts.

We're okay cause you're okay now, right? :)

I see you...

... in the pleasant aroma of Chinese food.

... in the freshness of a cold Calamansi juice.

... in the loud burp after a good meal.

... in the hearty laughter of a young chum or an old man.

... in the sparkle of a sincere smile.

... in the soft mattress after a long day.

... in the thickness of a good book.

... in the coziness of an old shirt.

... in words left unspoken.

... in affection concealed.

... in disguised concern.

... in unfulfilled dreams.

... in moments unexpected.

.... in millions of chances unrelated.

I see you...

though I try not to.

The Ultimate Goal

I think I'm finding my drive.

Nothing's impossible when you put your mind and I would say your "heart" to it.

No matter where I am, I just have to make sure that I have the ultimate goal on top of my list: That Which Is For The Good.

The concern now is how do I spread this throughout all aspects of my life?

Hence, this.

We never get along.

I know I hate absolutes but then NEVER seems to fit this particular case.

One moment we're a ok and the next thing I know is that a volcanic eruption has been triggered by who knows what.

I'm getting tired of our old game.

I walk out even though I know that it won't solve anything and might even make the wounds deeper.

But then I also know that if I stay... then there's bound to be a new set of fresh wounds waiting to be opened.

We should probably take a step back away from each other.

Just for today, I'll heave a heavy sigh for both of us.

I know you're just as tired of this as I am.

But then again maybe I don't know anything in the first place.

Hence, this.