Thursday, February 17, 2011

emotional sadness is what it is.

I'm emotionally sad nowadays. I feel like there's this empty hole within me.

Call me emo or whatever but I'm just really sad. About what you ask?

A number of things and none.

I guess we get to this point once in a while when we keep asking ourselves what we really want out of life? what we really need? what matters? what doesn't?

And no matter how much we justify the state of our life, we just can't seem to resolve the fact that we're damn fine and the misery we are having is our own doing.

But I know I'll get over this. Maybe tomorrow after I get a goodnight's rest.

Or maybe not right away, because I want the pain to linger... to remind me that I'm still alive.

Sunday, February 06, 2011


Meet-up with friends usually requires spelling the current state about the so called "life" that each of you pretends to have.

With that said, this is how my life is kinda spelled right now.

1. F: for FAMILY.
-Relationship with Mom is the same as always. Bittersweet. But sweetness always prevails at the end of the day. :)
-Relationships with Sibs. Gets wackier and stronger as each day passes. :D I'm glad to say that we have somehow passed the "each-moment-is-doomed-to-become-a-fight" stage. We've come to grow up and take things as it is, move on and embrace each other after a hard day's work. On the sidelines, however, we always know how to keep our heads laughing on the good stuff, shallow as it may seem but we get each other, that's why we are sisters. :D
-Missing dad, missing him much. It seems to get harder to grasp after it happened. I miss him more each day and it gets deeper. Just writing this is already making the hole in my heart bigger. I miss him.

2. C: for Career.
-Keeping my first job as a Grade School Counselor.
-But wanting to explore pos-si-bi-li-ties. So the way to that is getting out of... I won't finish that thought for now because I'm not yet ready.
-Masterals. I want to study. I need to study. But when?
-The question remains: Is this it? Do you want this to be it? Ponder on that.

3. F2: for Friends.
-I'm becoming a hermit again. I'm not entirely avoiding meeting with people. I just don't feel the drive to these days.
-But I'm thankful that they are sticking it out. And my friends seek me out, make kulit and remind me that I miss them pala. :)

4. F3: Faith.
-Graduated from SFC: Batch Polaris 2010.
-It's T.G.I.F. from now on, because Fridays are for Households. :)
-So far, haven't missed a single one. I'm so grateful to have kindred hearts to pray with and to pray for.

5. L: for Love.
-Talk about ones love life is an inevitable topic. So much the more since it's February and it is the Love Month.
-And still I have no love life to speak of, in the bf/gf realm.
-But I'm not that bothered. Me and my cousin/bestfriend was talking about it and we both agreed that it is not a priority. Sure, we would be glad to have one but it won't kill us not to have one right now.
-When the time comes, he will come, if He wills it. :)

6. L: for Leisure.
-Still very much into books. :) Book purchases continue to pile up. But the Books Read are having a hard time catching up, as always. :P
-Still watching some series: Gilmore Girls Re-runs(now on Season 2), Gossip Girl Season 4, Big Bang Theory Season 4, How I Met Your Mother Season 6.
-Have a lot of pending movies. :P
-Can't seem to make my online accounts active. And it seems I don't really care that much anyways.
-Can't seem to start the book blog thing since I don't know how to put my thoughts to writing. I'm unsure on how to begin but hopefully I'll push myself to do it before the year ends, haha. :)

So... there.