Thursday, November 29, 2007

this feeling i have is...


pure and true...

i just hope it lasts...
a little longer...

nothing lasts forever,

and yet i still wish
to clling on to it.

walang pakielaman.

minsan lang to eh!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Jesus is that you?

I saw Him in the little child's face... Suddenly, I felt this feeling inside that something was definitely amidst.
Everyday I encounter little children or elderly persons, all dirty and somehow lost. They come near you and ask for even just a small amount money for them to have something to eat. Each and every time, they never fail to affect me.

To tell you the truth, I often feel uneasy when this happens. I am just not certain on what is the right thing to do, on what action to take. What are the limits? What are the necessary actions? As a child of God, up to what extent should I be willing to offer?

I am actually also guilty at times when I give but not at all willingly, when I think twice before actually putting those few tinkling coins in their hands, when I don't take the opportunity to extend help and give love, when I doubt them, when I avoid them, when I help but somehow expect something in return... Mixed emotions in a single encounter.

One thing is for sure, I saw God in the little child's face. I saw Jesus' reflection in those angelic eyes.
Maybe, I'll still feel the same awkwardness, maybe I'll still react the same way but I know that little by little I am changed; little by little I struggle to be more loving.

At the end of the day, we are all brothers and sisters. We all come from the same Creator, we have all been saved and loved. That I would say is reason enough for us to do something in our own way.

Nothing will happen if we don't do anything. They are indeed God's blessings for they give us the opportunity to be better persons. :)

Sunday, November 18, 2007

just felt a connection

once there was a butterfly in my palm
but i let it fly
not because i don't love it
but i want it to enjoy with the flowers and the bees,.,

keeping it in my palm won't make it the best butterfly it can be,.,

so far from a distance, im happier watching it
fly and play
in the garden while the sun is still shining,.,

because when the rain comes,.,

i'll know...
if it truly loves me...
it will fly back to me

~let me fly, let me soar, let me go... i want freedom, and i want it now... i feel your arms tight around me and to tell you honestly, i can't breathe properly... don't be afraid to loosen your grip, don't worry... i love you and i'll come back... as i am, whole and so much better...~

Friday, November 02, 2007

the break is over

reality sweeps in again and takes me away from paradise. not necessarily paradise, but rest pauses in life we have come to appreciate. the second semester of my junior year is
looming in. i don't want to go to school just yet. although there is no reason to delay.
i somehow feel that i am close to suffocating. i have this nervous tick inside my heart, like there is something not quite right. i'm feeling unprepared. once again i'm feeling helpless. i detest having this feeling, and allowing it to dwell in me. need to get back on my feet, the world is spinning and i'm left hanging.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

God is loving and merciful!

Why is God so unfair?

Why does He allow these bad things to happen to us?

Why do evil people go unpunished?

These and many other questions have been in existence, even I myself have often wondered what the answers are. While reading the Bible last night, I came upon this verse that I guess would come close to answering these “why’s”?

Not that you were without power to have the wicked vanquished… But condemning them bit by bit, you gave them space for repentance. (Wisdom 12:9-10)

How amazing is that? God can punish us with every sin or mistake we do, He can but He chooses not to. It may seem at times that people who don’t even deserve it get off the hook, but in actuality, not one of us is really worthy. Each one of us is sinful, each one of us deserves to be punished for the many sins we have committed but God does not do it. He loves you! Yes, you!

He still has this hope within Him that we can still repent and change. He simply hopes that we ask for forgiveness, that’s it. In God’s eyes, even if you may be a murderer or a thief, or you cheat other people or can’t control the urge to say bad words, you may still change, it’s never too late! He welcomes you with open arms. He will even grant you the grace to be able to do it. So, look up you are never alone, He hasn’t forgotten you, it’s just that He loves us all equally.

God truly is and simply is awesome!

Let’s not waste that love. Let’s return that love and do our best by showing that we value it.:)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

back to the "dark room" with the window now open

Constructive Criticism? I don't think so... but I guess I could take it as one. It caught me off
guard, hearing the words said out loud. "Lalo na ito, talagang wala." or something that goes like that, referring to my non-existent talent. Do you really have to rub it in? It already hurts as it is. It again got me back to the "dark room."

That place where I once was, where all the insecurities and negative energy were locked up.
I'll admit it, it got me nowhere...  And just when I'm already better off, here it is
again presenting itself to haunt me.

It is quite frustrating to answer questions and fill out application forms asking you what your talents are or asking you to indicate your skills. Unlike many people who can confidently say that they
 can sing, dance, paint or whatever. I don't actually belong to any of those. I still am seeking... I believe that God has 
something in store for me. Maybe I'm just too blinded to actually see it or may I'm just trying too hard to 
search for it. 

I'm sure many of us are still in the searching zone. Keep that spark in 
you alive. Just as long as you are doing your best in whatever you're in, 
I guess that in itself is talent enough. We should actually be more thankful, 
we're unique! (or is that just another excuse, just joking)

Thanks to that not so pleasant encounter, it reminds me to strive even 
harder. Not so that I could please them,but so that I could make something 
worthwhile out of my life and give it back as gift to God.:)

Saturday, October 06, 2007

The heat and the temper rises

found out that i'm really a moody person. easily irritated. it shows. from the observation of one of my constant companion. hay. really have to control my temper. the flushed look in my face is undeniable. oh well. i just can't help it especially when trapped in a situation when my emotions are gradually rising and tensing up. to defend myself. i have to say this does not only happen when i am annoyed but also when embarrassed and put in the spot. hmmm. is it so bad? i'm only human anyway. :(

i'm just blessed to have patient friends. and not so patient sisters. haha. whom i love all the same.:)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Thursday, September 06, 2007

On the mission

“One of the major dilemmas we face both as individuals and as a society is simplistic thinking — or failure to think at all." -Psychotherapist Scott Peck

Most of time, we resort to going with the flow. It's much easier that way... hassle free and worry free. What with the technology we have right now, anything goes with just a click of a button. All the information you might need can readily be available to you in a matter of seconds. Studies and researches 
have been made on just about every topic or issue. It appears that there 
seems to be no need for thinking. 

The world can go on spinning without us. 
But this is where we are all wrong.

God created us with a heart and a mind of our own. He did not do this without reason. He made us
for a specific mission and purpose. To be able to fulfill this mission would be no easy task. We can easily be swallowed by what is happening around us. We might lose our way on the path which was meant for us. If we don't take action, if we don't do anything with what  was given us... nothing will become of us. 

The picture: us coming and leaving the same, with no 
contribution and with no realization, like the wind passing by, not leaving a trace of its presence.

I wouldn't want that happening. Would you?
God would have expected something of his creation: us, you and me.
Let's not waste the blessings he keeps on showering upon us.

Let's start thinking right and let's start acting right.:)

Good day!:) God Bless you!:)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Exams week = Pure torture

Hours and hours of pointless reviewing (not like I spend that much time), sleepless nights, endless headaches, dizziness, blank expression, fatigue... symptoms of a student during examinations.
Haaay... I really don't like undergoing the agony of "exams week!" Well, it has long been over. A week has passed and now it continues to haunt me. My exam results aren't worth talking about, let alone mention. I have realized that I'm no good at answering multiple choice type questions... we just don't click. Whoever said that the first guess that comes to mind will usually be the correct answer... it didn't work for me. Instead of becoming all bitter about it, I'll just have to work doubly hard in the remaining days ar the semester... or else doom is waiting just around the corner. I know I'm talking in circles. So I guess I'd have to stop. Ciao!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

A Pure Heart by Jon Walker

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10 NIV)

Oh God, create in me a pure heart ...

A heart that won’t run with lust after physical pleasure,
A heart that obediently refuses what you’ve rightly and wisely fenced away as sin,
A heart of love that never insists on its own way (1 John 2:16).

Oh God, create in me a pure heart ...

A heart that knows no greed when it looks upon worldly treasures,
A heart that thinks of others, and not itself,
A heart that argues for love instead of fairness.

Oh God, create in me a pure heart ...

A heart that never boasts about what it has or what its done,
A heart that walks humbly, not trying to appear more important than it is,
A heart that takes no pride in the flesh.

Oh God, create in me a pure heart ...

A heart that chases after you,
A heart that looks to you for its provision,
A heart that trusts that you are at work in others,
A heart that does not manipulate people or circumstances,
A heart that looks upon the things above and not the things below.

Heavenly Father, renew a steadfast spirit within me ...

A spirit committed completely to you,
A spirit that is not double-minded,
A spirit that is focused, and single minded on your purposes,
A spirit resolved to know Christ and Christ alone.

So what?

Start from the top of the devotional, and work your way down.

= inspiring devotional... with the world we are in today, temptations are everywhere, but let us hold fast to the Lord to help us in our weakness... :)

Friday, July 20, 2007

God is good!

I realized how depressive I can be. And to think that I thought I had the capability to endure. Everything that's been happening to me was just too much. I didn't know where to pick myself up. I wanted to 
stop time just so I could  catch up with what's going on.  Everything's going too fast and I'm too slow to catch up. It's times like this when God taps me on my shoulder to remind me that I am not alone. That somehow I've forgotten that He was beside me all this time. Since I hadn't thought of consulting Him earlier, He sent me people called "friends" to continue reminding me that life is good. That God is good. That after a long day, there are still more reasons to be happy than sad. For this, I thank you. My friends. Alam niyo na kung sino kayo. And most especially my God.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Same old game

Is this just but a game we're playing?
You and I as partners.
Holding hand in hand,
making a vow to never let go,
promising that no one gets left behind.
If you say we are one, why then do I feel all alone? 
If this is just a game you're playing, stop... I don't want to go on. 

Sunday, July 08, 2007

A sense of overwhelming sadness flooded my being, a concoction of different shades of blue. My soul is drowned and yet it kept struggling. At the end of it all, despite the mixed emotions, I am left knowing not how to feel...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sunshine through the Clouds

After some time of not being able to blog, due to a lot of reasons, here i am once again! My third year college life has just began and it seems that it's gonna be a long journey. What with the major subjects piling in, the drama of everyday life, self-realizations, unforeseen trials and the whatnots of surviving... a heavy sigh is sure to follow. Oh, well! I'm just thankful that God is the ultimate reason for everything. He never fails to make me smile! :) And for those people God sends to make that smile possible... thank you!:)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

kumusta na puso ko?

Since valentines is fast approaching, I can't help but wonder and reflect on the state of my heart...

Right now, my heart is excited, nervous, confused, content and hoping.

What's the cause of all these?

I'm excited at the thought of extending my service for God, of stepping up a level higher, of loving more people, of growing more and being closer to Him. At the same time, I'm afraid and nervous... I don't know what to expect. What will the morrow bring? It's all uncertain and I know that all I need to do is to trust God. He won't let me down but I'm only human and I know that God understands why I may be feeling scared. It's enough that despite of this fear I may be feeling, I'll still go on and fight. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's facing the fear and saying I'm gonna do it anyway. Confused because it seems that what I've decided upon is the right thing, it's what God wants, it's what I want and yet the people I love and care for, the people I don't wanna hurt the most are the ones telling me to not go on. They are the ones who are against it. What do I choose? How do I decide? I'm confused. It's hard. I don't know what to do. I'm contented. As I was walking with my mom and grandma this morning, with grocery bags on my hands, I can't help but smile. I realized right then and there that I was blessed. I'm happy and I have this feeling of peace within me despite the chaos that surrounds me. Lastly, my heart is hoping. Hoping to be able to decide what God really wants for me. Hoping that I'll find the light to discern what to do. Hoping that I'll have someone to love in the future who will love me in return. Hoping to make the people around me happy. Hoping that I'll be able to finally forgive myself. Hoping that as I sleep later tonight I'll again feel God's embrace, hugging me tight.:)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

alternative class...

I recently attended a seminar on "Overcoming Stress and Bringing Joy Back Into My Life." As part of the seminar, we were asked to list our" TOP TEN STRESS BUSTERS." Here's mine:

1. Pray. An effective way of calming yourself and getting to know God more. Two weeks ago I was in a really tight situation, I got so depressed that even my friends couldn't talk me through it. I decided to visit the chapel and to just have a moment of silence and meditation. It helped me a lot. I left the chapel feeling far more better and a lot happier. I realized a lot of things about myself and thought of ways to solve the problem I have.

2. Eat. Whether you admit it or not, we enjoy eating 99% of the time. It reduces any uncomfortable feeling, I think. Especially recommended are sweets... the popular chocolates and my beloved ICE CREAM.:) Yumyum!

3. Laugh. Even at a corny joke. It's a way of boosting your energy level and making you a bot morte cheerful. It's fun and is sai to make you look younger and feel younger too.:)

4. Plan ahead and stick to it. In my case, I get rattled when things suddenly seems to be out of my control. It's better for me to have a plan or an overview of things to come. It's readying yourself for what is to come. Sticking to ones plan is really hard but it is so much worth the trouble.

5. Sing and dance? Like nobody is watching just to get you in the mood. Make an effort to get you out of that slum you are in. Singing your favorite tune helps and dancing will make you laugh at yourself.

6. Read. Books... :) I haven't been having much time to read. Reading helps you think and let your imagination fly. It makes you realize a lot of things about yourself, about other people and about life. It's fun and inspiring at the same time.

7. Worship. With eyes closed. Before, I would feel conscious about other people watching me. But now, I no longer care. I sing my heart out for the Lord because He so deserves it.:) Everytime I worship, I close my eyes and feel God's embrace. Ang sarap ng feeling. Parang lahat nagfa-fade. It's only you and your God. After every worship, I feel like a new person. Ang sarap magmahal ni God.:) Worship for me is God's tight embrace. Worship for me is an expression of my love, my thoughs, my sorrows, my happiness, my faith for Him.:)

8. Music. Listening to any song, any type of music releases any emotion. Whether it be negative or positive. It's better if you can sing-along with it. Walang pakielamanan. Hehe.

9. Chat. Kwentuhan to the max with friends... lam niyo na kung sinu kayo. It hepls a lot. It's fun and unforgettable. You don't even care what time it is. Nakakamiss... And also with my sisters... nakakamiss rin. We're all busy but I tell you, moments like this are worth cherishing forever. The endless laughter and the uncontrollable tears. Hay!

10. Reflect and Take time alone. It hepls to do things you feel like doing ones in a while. To just stop and check if you're still doing okei.

This may not be applicable to all. For me, it works talaga! Hehe. So get out of that depressing mood, there are a lot of ways to fight those! You just have to look around and count the blessings you might have overlooked. Smile! God loves you so much! Mwah!:)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

How am I doin'?

What's the state of my heart? In all aspects...

First of all, I've missed blogging and surfing the net. Hehe. It's been quite a while. What with so many things to do left and right? But it's alright because I can actually say right now that I'm quite happy and satisfied.:)

Family. Hmmm... We're okei!:) We still have that spice of having arguments now and then. Catfights. Hehe. But in the end, we still kiss and make up. I actually observed that we haven't been arguing as much unlike before. Maybe we all are growing more maturely.:) All I know is that I love them much much. I may not openly express it most of the time... but I really do love them!:) I LOVE YOU papa, mama, achie, ditse and siobe!... I'd like to take this moment to say a BIG THANK YOU for everything and a SINCERE SORRY for all the headaches I might've caused. I promise to be better in all respects... it may not happen overnight but surely I'll strive hard.:) Aja!:)

Academics. Fairly well. I haven't been able to give my vey best. It's like I don't have the drive, the motivation I need to use the fullest of my potentials. It's actually very frustrating. Almost all my subjects are okei except that of Chemistry! Even my test paper has gone to outer space... (hopefully our professor was able to find it.) This last remaining part of the second semester, may we all do well!:)

Friends. I'm having more of them...:) I'm happy cause I have someone to keep me company. I have them to love and care for. Although I can't seem to be able to confide in them. Some things may really be better if left unsaid. But I'm super thankful to all of them (you know who you are) especially for all the smiles they bring to my life.:)

Love LIfe. Don't worry I don't have any "special someone." But I have a lot of love surrounding me.:) Sometimes I am left thinking if I'm meant for married life. Haha. Ang aga pa alam ko. But then I can't help but think of the plan God has for my life. Well, I trust Him... I trust His will. Basta right now, I'm happy.:)

Service. I'm happy to finally be coming out of my shell for Him. I still hesitate most of the time but I'm glad cause I don't close myself anymore as I have before. I put my trust in Him and He has never let me down. I'm so blessed to have the privilege of knowing Him more and more each day. I marvel at His greatness and I grow in love with Him more and more each day.:) By the way, I just turned ONE today... One year as a YFC-UST member!:) Yey! I feel super happy and blessed. Looking back it has been a long journey and I don't plan on ending it any time soon. Happy happy.:)

Adios amigas!:) God Bless! Stay happy! Smile smile!:)

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Welcome 2007!!!

A beautiful start to a beautiful year!:)

I have made plenty of "New Year's Resolutions." Why? It may seem childish but then I see this as a way of improving myself. It's like I know I have a secret mission and I can't mess up. It's like having a goal each day and feeling happy that you've accomplished it a little more each day. I won't bore you by enumerating each one. Hehe. I just feel happy setting goals for myself and knowing that it's not impossible to reach them with hardwork and a passionate heart.:)

God Bless! Aja!:)

Happy New Year!:)