Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Welcome 2009!!!

It's almost the end of yet another year. How time flies. Oh, how it flies.

Still left with the many resolutions made, it is time again to create new ones... The year ahead promises many new things, doors to be unlocked, adventures to take, experiences to unravel, strangers to meet, awaiting and dreading at the same time.

2008: Many last things. Many last things. Many last things. I'll miss it. For sure. But...

2009: Promises even more. Looking forward to a lot of new beginnings.

Happy New Year!!! With a shed of sadness, shadowed with a ton of cheers! =)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

After Retreat

...is total haggardness. After being able to recharge, seems like God scheduled the retreat so that we'll have the energy to face the many many tasks ahead. I can't even see the morrow without a task waiting to be hurdled. But it's better than being idle. It's just that I somehow feel I'm gonna get sick any moment now. I'm gonna have to get used to being busy with tasks again. Lol.

...are many realizations here and there. Sole purpose in life is to be able to give the love God gave us back to Him. Have to keep that in mind always.

*God is good. All the time. God is where? Everywhere.* =)

Friday, November 28, 2008


Silently screaming
in the dead of the night.

Waiting and waiting
for the outstretched hand.

Stooped to cringing
in the corner of the world.

In my mini-corner,
I wonder.

I hope.

I hope...

Behind the Mystery...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Frustratedangel!

  1. Frustratedangel has three eyelids!
  2. Donald Duck's middle name is frustratedangel!
  3. You should always open frustratedangel at least an hour before drinking her.
  4. The only Englishman to become frustratedangel was Nicholas Breakspear, who was frustratedangel from 1154 to 1159.
  5. Without its lining of frustratedangel, your stomach would digest itself.
  6. Until the 1960s, frustratedangel was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
  7. Frustratedangel will become gaseous if her temperature rises above -42°C!
  8. The Eskimos have over fifty words for frustratedangel!
  9. Baskin Robbins once made frustratedangel flavoured ice cream.
  10. All shrimp are born as frustratedangel, but gradually mature into females!
I am interested in - do tell me about

*Got this from mia again! Nakaka-aliw...hehe...=)

Monday, November 24, 2008

My Colorgenics Profile

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Ponder a Moment, Decide and Stick to It.

Make time for the things you really want.

If you don't, expect that nothing will happen.

Prioritize so that you won't get lost and you'll always know where you are going.

*Advices I have been getting lately from people who care. Thanks!

Friday, November 07, 2008

the beauty in loneliness

It's ironic, how most of the time the very thing that causes us pain is the very thing we keep longing for.

I wonder why most people enjoy watching dramas that make them end up crying with puffy eyes, why most people are attracted to sad love songs that let them relive the painful memories of the past, why most people wallow in their pain, in their sorrow and chooses to be so until they can no longer hold themselves together...

What is there in pain? What is there in loneliness?

I wonder if the very essence of pain is to let us appreciate happiness more. If by being lonely we realize that we are not alone after all. If having our visions blurred by tears, we see more clearly the very things we have overlooked many many times.

I wonder and I'll keep wondering the beauty and the comfort loneliness brings. To me. And maybe to a thousand other people.

So for now, I'll still keep searching for good dramas that will keep the tears flowing, I'll keep listening to sad love songs that stir my heart a couple too many times, I'll keep seeking for pain, for sorrow...

And I'll keep smiling through the tears...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

10 things I want to say to 10 people

*taken from mia*

Write 10 things that you wanna say to 10 people. Anything you wanna tell them. Basta the rule is, DON'T STATE THEIR NAME.

1. I'm sorry, I have failed you in many different ways. I want to do all these things for you, help me and guide me always. Remind me always that You are the sole reason for my existence.

2. I'll keep trying, no matter how hard, I'll still try. Because I do not like hurting you, because I truly care.

3. It's been really hard accepting everything. I didn't realize that I've been having a hard time forgiving. I hope that I'll slowly have a change of heart. I truly hope that time can heal wounds.

4. I admire you in more ways than you can ever imagine. You have a pure heart and most of the time I wish I had that too.

5. I'm scared for you. I wish that I could shape the world so that you won't get hurt and that you'll understand things better. Just remember, we're always here for you. Always.

6. I wonder what you really think of me. I keep getting deceived by your gentle ways. I hope we could be friends. At least kahit friends lang.

7. I miss you. I've not been such a good friend lately. Missing in action. I know you understand but still I hope I can make it up to you. *hug*

8. I haven't heard from you in a long while. The next time we see each other, hope nothing changes.

9. Thank you. Sometimes, I don't understand your ways, but I'm glad we are what we are. It gets complicated in between, but I'm glad our bond is strong, and I'll want it to keep getting stronger.

10. You never fail to brighten up people's day. I see your struggles but that only makes you all the more admirable. You just don't see it, but your more lovable than you think you are. *hug*

Last sembreak

Time is ticking near. Every second, every minute, gone for good.

My college life is nearing its end, hopefully, should be. My last semestral break, the looming last semester till graduadtion.

Too many things to accomplish still. Too many memories to hold. Too many decisons left unmade.

*I'm in my drama mode. Forgive me for the mushiness.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I was so happy when you smiled
Your smile breaks through the clouds of grey

Far from the sunny days that lie in sleep
Waiting with patience for the spring
When the flowers will bloom renewed again
Knowing there's more beyond the pain of today

Although the scars of yesterday remain
You can keep on living as much as your heart believes

You can't be born again
All though you can change
Let's stay together always

Smile only at me and touch me with those fingers
This simple desire is everlasting

I want things to be simple
Let's finally get across this sea of mournful sorrow

For instance, even if today is painful
Someday it will become a warm memory
If you leave everything up to your heart

I understand the meaning our living here
It is to know the joy of having been born
Let's stay together always

For instance, even if today is painful
Someday it will become a warm memory
If you leave everything up to your heart

I understand the meaning our living here
It is to know the joy of having been born
Let's stay together always

*Finished reading Fruits Basket manga...sense of accomplishment...happy ending even though they were all somewhat broken throughout the series. By the way, the lyrics above are from the anime...it leaves a feeling of hope, doesn't it?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

total. bum.

bum. mer.

you. are.

such. a..

bum. mer.

you. are.

bum. mer.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

habang nakikipagdaldalan...

kanina sa last class namin with my seatmate. She commented: "Ay, gemini ka talaga!" And so, she enumerates some of the characteristics most gemini's have:

-Conversationalist/ Chatty person
-Shaky when it comes to beliefs and decisions
-Gullible/ Easily persuaded

Surprisingly, most of it hit the spot. Well, it's not that I believe in such things... it just got me thinking about my personality and some of my general traits.

*It's funny how two persons can be so alike and different at the same time.

Ay, oo alam ko pasaway makipagdaldalan habang nagkaklase, patapos na naman eh. Hehe.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Your Birthdate: June 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.

You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.

Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.

Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive.

Your strength: Your universal compassion

Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings

Your power color: Mauve

Your power symbol: Butterfly

Your power month: February

Sunday, July 27, 2008

just thought of writing something...


been quite stressed these days,

basically caused by our thesis.

and to think that we just got started.

but, life has been going well,

i think.

i'm progressing, bit by bit.

though i still need to learn more,

much more.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


After the longest time,
the maiden's shoulders shook.

With it the cold winds blew,
and crystals slipped from her eyes.

An undefined light surrounded her being,
one of eerie gloom it exudes.

She couldn't hide her pain any longer,
she had a cold heart as it was.

Yet, even ice melts...


She always sees my flaws,

she only sees my flaws.

And to think that I had hoped,

when I already knew the ending.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Dreamy Idealist..hmmm?

My personality type: the dreamy idealist

-Seems to be quite true for the most part. Click the button to read what it says, and see if you agree with me. You can also take the test yourself! ~.~

Monday, May 26, 2008

Random Thoughts while on the Road

Number One: What's with truck drivers, istambays on the sidewalk, security guard posts...?
- They keep bugging you with their speeches of "Hey, Miss!; Ganda, kumusta?; Good Morning Beautiful?" and all the other nonsense talk just to get your attention. I'm no fool and I'm no beauty as well. It just gets so annoying sometimes not to add a bit creepy! Hay, maybe they are just plain bored with their life. I wish that they get to think of another past time and quick.

Number Two: What if before you say "Yes" or an "I Do" to the love of your life, you reveal all the nasty things about yourself, all the skeleton in your closet, will he still stay and accept you?
- One of my wild imaginations got me thinking this. Pretty weird I know but it's like a test you know so that he/she does not go off running from you when the going gets tough or when things may not seem to be as perfect. It's also a nice plot to a novel. The title may be "100 Things You Didn't Know About Me"; "Love Me or Hate Me?"; "The Truth About Eve/Adam." Hehehe...

Number Three: Poetry, my love for poetry, where did it go?
- I though about getting back to my writing poems again, but it seems that the spirit of creativity has left me completely. I just don't seem to put two and two together, it's like it's all wrong. I hope one day I get struck by the lightning of creativity and be able to write again. I miss the feeling of being able to let out your feelings in a string of beautiful words. I'm not saying my works before were any good but at least I was able to proudly say that I've written quite a few pieces even if it's for my personal purposes alone. I summon you, common strike me now! Hehe.

*I'm pretty bold now to be able to write things like this. I don't know. It's like I'm just full inside and letting out some of my random thoughts would help lighten my load a bit. Stay with me, even if I'm a little wacko. Haha. ~.~

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Summer's almost over.. still the SUN shines brighter!.

My 2008 Summer was I would say a mix of adventures.

*I had experienced my first taste of the real workplace which was not bad at all.

*Got to mingle with new people.

*Attended an aerobics class other than PE... which was not at all far from it. Haha.

*I was able to go out of town without my biological family, but with my YFC family (Tagaytay lang naman...hehe...).

*I was able to take a bath in an improvished shower area, haha... with *****. Haha.

*Got sunburned.

*Shouted out my heart to the heavens.

*Cried my heart out with some sad asian movies and dramas.

*Thought about life more.

*And even more.

*Prayed a lot.

*And prayed a little.

*Ate to my heart's desire.

*Gained weight fast...huhu...1** pounds as of the moment.

*Missed some of the old times.

*Cried a little over some of the usual things.

*Met up with old buddies.

*Got back to reading a few good titles.

*Love the sensation of melting ice cream even more. Hehe.

*Got addicted to a few new and old things. But rethinking it over and over.

*Learned that some things are harder to let go than other things.

*And that it is easier to let go when you do not think about what you are letting go of.

*Matured a little. I think... I hope so. Hehe.

*Hope for a brighter tomorrow. Sunny sunny sunny...even in the midst of the rainy season...

And so, I leave you with these words. Life is indeed beautiful, in whatever angle, even if it sometimes hurts, still its beauty is undeniable. ~.~

Monday, May 12, 2008


Real love... it's just being happy without getting anything... only giving.

Love is like this... someone you love gets hit by a car and killed one rainy day. After that, you can't leave the accident site... You go there to direct traffic thinking about your love, never missing a single day, crying when it's raining...

...ing (korean movie)

When will the time come for me to say the words "saranghaeyo...?"

Too much watching of korean romance films...~.~

Love is not an easy thing... but that's what makes it rewarding.~.~

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Pocahontas Skin, Industrial Practicum, Summer Alone, Bloated Figure and Many More

If you have seen me this April, you probably will be joining the others in teasing me as I've become Pocahontas skinned?/Negra so to say... Huhuhu... I want my fairer skin back... I know I wasn't that fair to start with but still... But despite this darker complexion I would have to endure in the following months, the experience I had that resulted to this dilemma will never compare. It was worth it! My first ever ILC was a blast, I learned a lot and stand in awe of all the people who simply live to love the Lord... It is a struggle to do so, but it is the only way to live... Pocahontas skin, nah, this is TATAK KRISTO!!!:)

Started my Industrial practicum already since last April 14. I will be ending soon, probably by next week unless I'll have to extend. It's been fun and definitely a learning experience. I'm still not totally at ease with the industrial set up, but I'm not closing any doors. I've already finished the project given to me and hopefully (keep your fingers crossed!) it will turn out fine, so far comments have been on the positive. I have made friends with my colleagues. They are one kwela bunch, although there are still the serious ones which is quite fine. I'll miss them when I end my practicum...:)

Summer alone, not absolutely but I have this cousin/bestfriend who left me... hehe. Well, she left for the States because of her visa and I've been missing her since. Hope you're doin fine oput there... Ayan, nagpost na ko para may mabasa ka and to keep you updated na rin... It won't be the same without you here... for good. Hay, don't want to think about it for the moment but with your things being moved already, the reality of it has started to struck me... I'm missing you already and I know I'll be missing you even more... :(

I've been gaining and gaining and gaining some more weight... so many food around... they are haunting me and they won't let me be... it's their fault, I swear! huhuhu... I can't afford to gain more...ha! The girly syndrome/weight consciousness to the nth level has strike again... Can't help it, it's in the hormones....hehe. I'm glad the celebrations are over (Achie/Ditse birthday bash), so that I can start with my pretend diet!haha!...

The summer has so far been a whirlwind of events, so many things happening at the same time and not happening at the same time, get me? Oh, don't bother anymore... Chiao!:)

Monday, April 07, 2008

love ilc

Change/Growth: The process by which my inside begins to match my outside.

Just got back yesterday from our yfc conference: tatak-kristo, 2008 ilc.

Love one another as I have loved you.

Somehow the whole experience felt surreal. It's like I'm in another dimension and all things happening around me can happen only in dreams.

Now that I'm back to reality, well, it really is quite hard.

Trials, challenges and temptations are so near.

Lord, I really need your help in all of this.

How I wish I'll be able to leave the past behind and start anew.

But like what I have realized, truly one can never have control over ones' life, it is only God who has that power, all I need to do is surrender everything to Him.

I need to put up with the battle and I need to be strong.

Tatak-Kristo! Need to keep that in mind.

Love you Lord!:)

Nga pala, for those who will be seeing me... negra na ko... haha, sunburned to the highest level..all for God!:)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

cutest thing ever!!!

grabe, sobrang cute niya. the attitude talaga! hay, little kids really have this innocent demeanor in them that simply melts your heart...:) this made my day!:) love it!

my. personality. portrait.

Monday, February 18, 2008





= kailangan ko lang ilabas!

= hayz!

=bakit kasi?


Help me Lord God!

expectations lead one to disappointments.

disappointments lead to realizations.

realizations lead to action or inaction.

which one to choose?

which one to choose?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Hearts Day '08

Hearts Day = Valentines Day!

This year's Valentine felt quit ordinary compared to previous years... as if I ever expected 
for something out of the ordinary to happen. Hehe. Maybe it was also due to the fact that I
was quite busy that day... but this year's "hearts day" so to speak, made me realize things that
are more important. Things I should be putting more value at this point in my life. Before I
admit to envying and longing also for a special someone to profess their love for me... (sounds cheesy, mushy and corny...haha... pero kaya nga fantasy lang...), but Valentines is not all about
that kind of love alone. Love may come in different shapes and sizes... in friendships (thank you
for a Valentine night spent with you...had a lot of fun, missed you a lot! Appreciated the effort you put through just to show you care, sensya I wasn't able to put the same effort.); in ones family (Unconditional love! That's how much our family value us, although they might not openly say it, actions undeniably shout it out to us! Hope you guys felt the love I feel for you from that small token of sweetness... Hehe.); in our Savior who died just to save us (The prayer meeting 
made me realize just how much God loves me, and that no matter what He will always be there
for you and me. He loved me first and He loved me still despite. Isn't that simply amazing?!) :)

Love is definitely in the air. It's all around us. We just have to be sensitive enough to widen
our hearts and receive the love unselfishly given to us! Kaya what are you waiting for? Love, love and love even more! Hehe. Kilig, kilig! :)

Thursday, February 07, 2008

paranoid me

i still can't read you. i still get nervous as to what you might be thinking. i stress over the fact that something seems to be wrong and maybe, just maybe with a big possibility i might have caused you to feel such. i'm paranoid, i know. but i guess that's how it is when you care for someone. you fret, you worry, you agonize... that in a flash of a moment, you might make a wrong move to cause 
the fragile connection to break 





Saturday, February 02, 2008

Smiling Amidst the Struggle

“Cooperation is doing with a smile what you have to do anyway.”

This, I guess, is one of the things I find hard to do. I admit that most of
the time I easily lose my temper. Before I thought that I am a really patient 
person, but was I wrong. Nowadays, I often catch myself grudgingly doing 
things for other people. Thoughts of wanting to rattle them to reality is what often occupies my mind (My bad!), and to think I'm in the field 
of having to relate well with other people. It will take lots of effort if
not done willingly, but with just your heart put into the work, it will be
a piece of cake (I hope so). This makes me appreciate service oriented 
people who put their lives on the line for people they don't even know. It is actually one of my biggest dreams and probably the goal I 
have been pursuing. This only makes me realize that a lot of work still 
needs to be done with my character. I need a lot of grace (tons even!). 

I'll take this opportunity to apologize for the many persons I have lashed 
out on, even for no reason at all. For the people who love me, whom I have
 failed to love equally in return. For the many tears, for the pain, for the 
unforgivable words, for the sadness... I'm sorry.     

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


 i want my freedom...


i am.

please help me God!

Saturday, January 19, 2008


that was the tagline...from one of the emails i recieved. and it seems to be that is how i have been describing the state of my life. so many tasks to do, here and there, everywhere! it just doesn't seem to end. but that email made me realize the importance of prayer. even Jesus Christ was busy, yet he had or took the time to pray. that was His secret... that was where He gathered strength... so i tell you my friend.. let us take the time to pray... to offer up all our tasks to Him who is the source of everything. :)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

the pieces

thought of changing my template, but somehow it just did'nt fit. i guess i'm not ready for change. i feel uncomfortable thinking about change. and to think that it's the only thing permanent in this world. maybe that explains why i haven't been feeling quite right these past few days. somehow i don't seem to fit. anywhere. i become paralyzed and i freeze. i totally let go. and lose all control. now, i'm regaining it all back. just you wait as i pick up the pieces. it's a new beginning but i left myself somewhere in the ending. and i have to find my way back. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.