Why?!?

Broken inside is what I am
Right now
Memories of living nightmares
Surround me

Flashing before me
One by one
Reliving the past
And crying

This feeling I have
Of emptiness
Slowly emanating
From within

My whole being
Shouting
My soul
Screaming

Why?!?

written: April 25, 2006

*Lagi ko na lang tinatanong yan... "Why?"... "Bakit" Hay... nakakapagod na kasi minsan eh... na intindihin ang mga tao sa paligid mo... pati sarili mo minsan 'di mo na rin maintindihan... bakit ganun noh? Xenxa at nagda-drama na naman ako... gusto ko lang ilabas... bear with me!

*Buhay pa naman ako... At okei pa ako... kaya ko pa ngang sabihin ang "aja!" eh... hehe... yun lang poh muna! zai jian!

Am I really a Frustrated Angel???

Well, I think I've been a goody two shoes my entire life... I really don't know why... there maybe a couple of reasons behind this... maybe because I like to please others... maybe because I feel a certain tingy feeling whenever I do a good deed... maybe because I'm really evil inside and just want to get attention.... maybe that's my mission in life... maybe I can't help but follow the hidden code of morality... whatever! I just do it... and i know for a fact that i'm not harming anybody... maybe i do it out of the goodness of my heart... who knows? Only God knows, even I don't really know.

Yesterday, I did something that I've wanted to do eversince... as i was about to cross the highay I was approached by one little kid beggar... asking for alms, at first i told him i don't really have any money although i was holding two 10 peso coins in my hand that i wpould be using to buy myself junk food- i'm a junk food addict by the way (which was more or less the truth and besides i really don't approve of giving money to beggars). I already crossed the street and was already inside the store when something came over me and i got out, looked for the child and asked him to come. He came to me and asked him if he would like for me to buy him something to eat, in particular a donut, he nodded yes! So I told him to come with me inside the store and choose what donut he liked to eat... he chose a donut with a strawberry filing on top...while i went to the counter to ask for assistance, i left him beside the donut stand, when i cae back, he was being shooed away by one of the saleslady (she was sort of shouting!)... i quickly told the girl that the kid was with me... then of course the girl just laughed. The moment I bought the donut, I gave it to the kid and he immediately went out. As i was on my way out people were already staring... I wasn't able to ask his name or anything else, much less talk to him. All i could remember was he was a little angel... he was an innocent-naive little angel wearing a red sando with holes in it and just having hope in his eyes... :)

I'm just happy to finally have the courage to do something without being ashamed on what other people might say... i hope to continue being that way in the a lot of aspects in my life... still here, still living...

Current Happenings

Hmmmm... so finally dami na rin nangyayari sa life ko this summer... i'm currently taking free guitar lessons sa church... hopefully matuto talaga ako... need to have determination... para matuto talaga ako. i'm back to reading books, watching movies/koreanovelas... By the way, ang ganda pala nung "Wedding"!!! Nakakatawa at the same time nakakaiyak din... touching siya! Kakatapos lang namin last last week ata. Basta the best... yung last two discs lang yung medyo okey lang pero all in all it was something worth watching. This whole week super busy ako, lagi ako wala sa bahay kasi kailangan kong magbantay sa office kasi kinailangan magpacheck-up ng mama ko(can't help but realize that the clock is ticking... need to learn to appreciate and show my love for the people i care for), punta rin ako ng school para makakuha ng copy ng grades(hindi ata ako masasawa mag-apply sa scholarship... aja!), guitar lessons every tuesdays and fridays, kanina nagpunta rin kami ng siobe ko sa hospital... may pag-asa pa kaya mawala ang pimples ko... a very big question mark??? haha... tomorrow naman family day! hope to have a happy bonding experience!!! minsan lang kasi yan eh. So that's it!

Happy happy!

Kahapon masaya me kasi naka-bonding ko ang aking cousin and bestfriend (naks! nabanggit siya...hehe...) One whole day with her...saya! Mula nung umaga kasama ko na siya papunta ng school...nakipagbonding pa me ng konti with her friends... o di ba friends niya friends ko na rin...bait naman sila nakaktuwa... tapos nung pauwi naman sabay din kami commute with her friend from high school... nakasalubong pa namin yung mga nag-ra-rally kontra cha-cha...katakot! Lagi talagang adventure ang nangyayari pag kasama ko toh mag-commute...exciting! Haha... Then after lunch tuloy sa pagbo-bonding... nuod kami movie buti na lang at hindi nakakatakot... kain ng miryenda...aba marunong na siya magprito (congrats!) Laro ng PS... biruin mo at pinag-dance revo ako! Hay wag niyo na lang i-imagine ang itsura ko baka di kayo matapos sa katatawa... pero aaminin ko... nag-enjoy naman me kahit papano...haha... minsan lang naman kaya go na! After umalis ng friend niyat tuloy pa rin at PC game naman ang inatupag... with matching kulitan! All in all masaya talaga! :) Thanks sa day na ito kahit napagod me... naka-smile naman ako sa pagtulog ko. Naks!

Uy para sa aking pinakamamahal na cousin... THANK YOU! Sobra ko na-aapreciate itong friendship natin! I know that I have someone na magpapatawa sakin pag sad ako...dadamayan ako sa happiness... ka konchaba ko sa kalokohan at kakulitan... someone na andyan kahit di ko na tawagin... kahit di ko man masabi sayo lahat... thanks kasi andyan ka pa rin... Love poh kita! I'll do the same for you! God Bless You!:)

Kulitan with Friends!!!

Grabe... super na-miss ko talaga friends ko ngayong nag-summer kaya naman nung nagkita kami kanina... super kulit ko. Sarap ng feeling to see them again... well and happy! hope na this summer makapag-unwind kami sa hirap na dinanas namin nung ist year... hehe... Anyways, saya-saya lang... one of the simple joys of life... being with your friends and laughing it out!

ang may nakaka-kilabot na nangyari samin kanina... basta may hinahanap kaming room tapos nakaka-dalawang ikot na kami sa floor na yun pero di talaga namin makita... finally nung third na try nakita na namin yung isa sa mga room at nung fourth pa naming ikot tsaka namin tuluyang nakita yung room na hinahanap namin. Weird pero inisa-isa talaga namin... ang aga pa nga naming dumating... yung isa pa naming friend na inaantay yung nauna! basta kung anu man yun... okei lang kasi okei lang naman kami... no harm done! :)

So guys... smile kayo parati! life is beautiful! :)

April na pala!

April na! Ang bilis talaga ng oras... pero wala pa rin me nagagawa. huhuhu... Ibang level ng katamaran ang bumabalot sa aking katauhan. Hehehe... Pero I'm still trying na gumawa ng kahit isang productive na bagay everyday. Ang dami kasing naka-pile up na work na hindi mo na malaman saan ka magsta-start. Konting tulog na lang at pasukan na naman... ang exagge ko noh! Kasi panu feeling ko I've got all the time in the world and yet ang bilis matapos ng araw. Parang konti pa lang nagagawa ko eh tapos na naman... kailangan na ulit magpahinga. Konti lang ang time para sa ibang bagay... nauubos lahat sa mga routine ng ginagawa (kain, tulog, linis,ligo...) Na pagnatapos mo na ang tinatamaan ka na ng katamaran. Ano ba talaga ang ginagawa pag-summer? Time ba to para magrelax and have fun? ayusin lahat ng gulo na ginawa in the past school year? maganatay sa errands ng parents? alone time ba to para makapagisip? family time? time para makipag-socialize? time para mag-reunite with old friends? tell me... ano ba talaga... Ginagawa ko bang complicated???

Siguro ang summer ay time para sa kahit anong gusto ng isang tao... iba-iba naman tayo so malamang iba-iba din ang ating priorities sa buhay. Kung ano man ang trip nyong gawin this summer... go ahead... basta walang sisihan sa huli na wala na namang saysay ang naging summer mo... ok? So guys ang gals... HAVE FUN THIS SUMMER! :)