heave and sigh

loooong weekends aren't as long as i want them to be.
moments come and go.
minutes pass me by.
days become nights.
all becomes cold.
just when you are getting the grasp of things, they seem to disappear into thin air.
what is wrong with me? i ask.
what is wrong with you? i wonder.

when all is well and good. doubt comes in.
when nothing seems right. you heave a sigh.

crap.

may you let the star in you shine

Something I'd like to share with my students. A honest and heartfelt speech from President Barrack Obama on the first day of school in Arlington, Virginia last September 8, 2009.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/

If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

simple joys

In the daily blur of events that is my life, I appreciate the little things and for these I am kept sane. =)

-Commuting every morning with my huggable sis!
-Hearing senti songs/ songs of my adolescence while riding the jeepney.
-Being able to finish a book.
-Bookhunting! Booksales!
-Icecream.=)
-Fanticism mode of lil sis. She is contagious.
-When I get to make progress.
-Bonding mode with co-workers.
-Cher! Cher! greetings from the students.
-Sundays with my family!
-When the weather is good!
-Getting enough sleep.
-Learning new things.
-Updates from friends.
-Spiritual readings.

loophole

monday.
tuesday.
wednesday.
thursday.
friday.
saturday.
sunday.
monday.
loop.

i'm dragging the days behind me.
sluggishly going through life in a dazed state.
sometimes an unknown force would smack me in the head,
and for a time i'd snap back to reality.
only to go back to my muddled cosmos,
indefinitely convinced it's all a dream.

1. When I tell you... or tell myself: I'll take a 5 minute nap. Don't believe me, that means I'm good as gone for the night. Seriously. It' a newfound talent, aside from the one where I can sleep through a movie in the moviehouse. 

2. I had an encounter with the other side. (Clearly heard the screeching of one of the heavy wooden chairs on cemented floor at the office before leaving last night. Confirmed by my officemate so it cannot be blamed on drunken tiredness. It is creepy, I tell you.)

3. What makes me happy? It's the ultimate question I have a hard time answering right now.

4. My indecisiveness is driving me nuts. It's as evident now as ever. And it sucks bigtime.

5. I'm turning into a certified anti-social. I'm sorry my dear friends... I can't get myself in the mood to keep in touch. What the...? You tell me, what is wrong with me? Argh!

6. I'd like to stay in my personal bubble for a week. This freak me out.

7. Some parents are just so hard to converse with. They use all their inherent power to intimidate you. And I cringe and hold my breath before dialing the number. Although, some are plain nice. There are still exceptions to keep me sane, thank goodness.

8. Kids. Children. Love. =)

9. I've decided to bum around for the day. Sue me but I'm sticking to the plan. Haha. =p

10. I have certain fixations and phases which I would not go about explaining because you probably wouldn't understand anyway. Last one is in plastic covering all my books, it lessens my stress level. Weird, I know.

   

Let it Out in Ten

1. I don't want to admit that I'm kinda having a hard time right now. 

2. It sucks that I can't talk to you without you getting mad. -What's the matter with you? Your PMS phase should have a break.

3. I should definitely be sleeping right now than doing this.

4. Or I should be doing tons of other stuff that I really should be doing instead of this. Crap.

5. Children are so soooo cute. =)

6. Winnie the pooh is not for boys.

-One mother asked her daughter what gift wrapper design she'd like. The daughter adorably answered: Winnie the pooh! =) Mother replied: Ano ka ba? Panlalaki yun eh! (What are you? That's for boys!) 

-What the heck? Since when did winnie the pooh become stereotyped as a boy's cartoon character?

7. I want ice cream. and the twisted series. and... tons of other stuff... (redundancy is a sickness)

8. Bad me. Really bad me.

9. I'm confused. Uber confused.

10. Sigh!

i apologize. it's just that...

i'm too afraid to let you go.

i felt betrayed you didn't let me know.

i'm ashamed to have trusted you.

i wonder what other lies you have with you.

right now, i can't bear to look you in the eye,

and see that you are not the same person i thought you were.

it's too sad that i put such esteem and faith in you.

yet, all along you played me with your innocent smile.

i can't believe you anymore.

mark this day.

i never thought this day would come.

i was too foolish and naive to admit it would.

eventually, it would.

just as the rain continue to pour without my heed.

just as the clock continue to tick with every second.

just as the sun continue to shine without my command.

just as the tears continue to fall with every heartache.

just as tomorrow contnues to come without hesitation.

some things you never can stop.

no matter how hard you try.

it would happen.

and sadly, it has.

Life is full of things unexpected. Just when you thought you knew where you are going, He whispers in your ear and tells you to go the other way. All you can do when that happens, is to tell him with a smile: "Okay, I trust you!" =)

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts."
-Washington Irving

hapi maders dey mommy! ilabyu! ♥♥♥

kelan ba nakakamit ang "happiness?" ang "joy?" ano bang sukatan ng pagiging masaya? talaga bang ito ay isang desisyon na hinaharap sa bawat araw? kung gayon, desisyon din ba ang pagiging miserable? ang mga estadong ito ba ay ilusyon lamang o sadyang katotohanan na kasama sa ating realidad?

yellow dreams

let me take you to my yellow dreams
where sunsets signify beginnings
and sunrise endings.
where sunflowers and daisies
line up the streets in neat lines.
where rainy days are nonexistent
and gloomy days are banned.
where hands are clasped when walking
and fingers crossed when running.
where all are sweet and nice and lovely
because there exist where none exists.
and that was the day i met you
my soulmate and destiny till yonder
bind us together.

28apr09 7:04pm (tues.)

it can be that i'm asking too much.

but can you blame me?

i only wanted the good in life,
if that's too much,
i'm sorry i even asked. =(

Came back from Neverland...=)

Just had my retreat last weekend. It was different out there.

Silence.

A time to think and ponder about God, me and the world.

I came back with renewed energy and a baggage full of hope. =)=)=)

sintunado.

sintunado daw ako. tuwing ako'y umaawit. laging na-o-off key, nauuna o nahuhuli man sa mga nota ng kanta. pag dating naman sayo, bakit ganun, lagi mong sinasambit na nasa tono ako, na may tono ako. ang hirap, balibaliktarin ko man, hindi ko padin masabi ng tama ang mga nasa isipan ko. ang konsert sa utak ko, kahit ilang beses na ang pinagdaanang rehearsals, eh laging mali ang labas. para bang nagiging isang bangunguot ang lahat. lagi ko tuloy hinihiling na sana matapos na ang kanta. sana para sa susunod na set na lang ako babawi. itigil na ang kanta, hindi ko na abot ang nota.

Over na ata! Sobraaaa na!

Pero sorry di pa din papa-awat! Ang sayaaa ko kanina at hanggang ngayon... tingnan mo nga at di pa ko tulog. Haiiii! Abot langit na naman ang smiles ko ngayong gabing puno ng bituin.

Salamats Inday! The best ka talaga! Ikaw na lagi ko isasama! Ahahahaha. Sana may next time pa kahit ayaw mo na..hehe.

Chance Glance

Walking along paved roads
in solitary mode, drowned by
the sudden crowd amidst the
milky air, I scanned every face I
encountered to no avail since
eyes were downcast, keeping to
themselves their untold
secrets, just when I started
giving up, I chanced upon your
hazel eyes, it lingered a second
or two longer-like a heartbeat...
without hestitation, and then I felt that
in the vastness of the universe, my
solitariness broke its routinary
mode, the rhythmic cycle halted
for a second
or two
thanks to you.
-04.14.09 (10:47am)

*kanina habang nagaantay matawag for testing. nag-adik at sumulat ng tula.

A day of rejoicing!

Happy easter everyone!

After attending mass with my mom, everything feels a lot lighter and happier and brighter.

Starting anew with the promise of God safe in my hand. I-am-grateful. =) 

this is insanity!

Back off. Stalker like mode.

Dark shades. Music down low.

Epitome of a new morrow.

Who to care? for another meager's life.

Nosy nose above closed books.

Searching for the needle in the fields of h-a-y.

Back off stranger!

Mind your own beeswax.

Waste some time. 

Be a worry wart of your own busy world.

-04.12.09 (6:30am)

some fairy tales are of bitter endings.

raging shouts echoes in solitary air,

surrounding a heavy heart.

silent cries of helplessness, 

midway into a deserted sanctuary.

wonderment crushed,

as fairytales gets snatched.

pretty princess in despair,

as the clock strikes 12:00.

magical carriage and enchanting appearance,

in a flash warps back to reality. 

*puro nega nalang ang posts ko. pero i feel at home writing about loneliness. weird ko. haha. yan kasi lagi lumalabas tuwing susulat ako. sabi ko pa naman masaya na dapat post ko since puro kadramahan na lang these past few days pero can't help that which flow naturally.